


tear it through the day (colonize the night)

by telticks



Category: Badboyhalo, Skeppy
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Comfort, Crying, Depression, Dissociation, Drunk Texting, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay, M/M, Marijuana, Panic Attacks, Phone Call, Psychological Trauma, Quite a bit of angst actually, Slow Burn, Substance Abuse, Trauma, WIP, mild manic depression, they move in together, they’re gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-04-23 21:43:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19159567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telticks/pseuds/telticks
Summary: “I’m not a good person. I can never be what you want me to be.”In which delicate fingertips brush against bruised knuckles, and grayscale vision finds the only place with color.Inspired by the song “A Werewolf” by Attic Abasement.





	tear it through the day (colonize the night)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zak is aware of his impulses, but he does nothing to stop them. After leaving the airport, he finds himself stuck in the rain. Tired, cold, but not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If by some miraculous chance Zak or Darryl or even Vincent stumble upon this fic at some point, I am so, so sorry.
> 
> This chapter is PG, save a few questionable thoughts from Zak.

January 28th, a Tuesday.

  
It was cold, it was quiet, and it was raining.  
Not the most exciting day for the occasion.  
His birthday had been eleven days prior, and he felt like he’d been holding his breath since then.  
As he recalled the moment that he’d picked up the phone that day, he pressed his nimble fingers against the handle of his suitcase.

“Happy birthday!” The voice had been all too familiar, but it sounded different. The receiver couldn’t bring himself to remember the first few minutes of the call, it was too blurry.

“In two weeks? Isn’t that a little soon for you to be moving in?” He remembered thinking that it _was_ too soon, but he wasn’t about to change his mind. “Okay, that works for me! I’m so excited.” The voice on the other end had babbled on for a while, and he had listened in contentment.

He felt his fingers relax as he returned to the present, the handle of his suitcase clicking into place as it fell from his hand and returned to a resting position. He pulled his phone from his pocket, staring blankly at the time that displayed across the top of the screen. 11:33pm. His eyes were immediately drawn to the notification that waited patiently below.

“I’ll be there in five!” The message had been sent four minutes ago.

He felt his shoulders tense as he read the text, and he noticed a rapidly increasing thumping sound at the same time. Internally cursing himself for the anxiety rising in his chest, he pressed against the metal door handle in front of him and stepped out into the open. Freezing air quickly overtook him as he watched waves of heavy rain cascade unevenly across the massive parking lot. He was grateful for the overhang above sheltering himself and his luggage from the unforgiving weather. The sky was dark and tinted red, likely because of the light pollution from the crowded airport. The cemented platform that he waited on glowed with orange light from the electronic boards above that displayed various places and times in small, bright letters. The smell of fresh rain washed over him as he took a step closer to the edge of the sidewalk, reaching his hand out and letting the downpour graze his fingers. Perhaps it was a desperate attempt to soothe himself, or maybe just an impulsive decision—-he had made a lot of those lately.

 _Don’t screw this up_. He begged himself silently as a whirring sound approached a few hundred yards away from him. Before he had the chance to crane his neck and glimpse whoever was inside the advancing vehicle, a jarring honk erupted from the small car. He silently thanked the rain for mostly drowning out the startling noise, because he likely would have recoiled hard enough to send himself tumbling to the ground if it hadn’t. It was definitely him.

“Skeppy!” The same voice from the phone call. The same voice that he couldn’t deny anything. After regaining his bearings, he ambled awkwardly toward the car, the thumping sound from earlier threatening to deafen him. The driver’s window was rolled down, and raindrops streamed along the car door. He couldn’t hear anything now.

The orange light from the boards that were now behind him glared on the lenses of the driver’s square-framed glasses, concealing warm green eyes that he wished he didn’t want to see so badly.

“You don’t have to call me that anymore, you know,” he called from across the expanse separating him from the car, gritting his teeth after the voice crack that had found its way into the middle of his sentence. The slight rasp that accompanied the break in his voice emphasized the fact that he hadn’t spoken much over the previous two days. Green-eyes didn’t seem to notice, as he had already left the car and launched himself toward the other. The boy on the sidewalk didn’t have time to react as he was tackled, pulled into a tight embrace.

“Okay, _Zak_.” The emphasis on his name made his chest tighten as he returned the hug, wrapping his lanky arms around the other boy. It felt unreal. Hundreds of feelings washed over him at once as he took in the moment. Everything smelled of warm cinnamon and burning matches. The rush of air that followed the sudden gesture carried the scent of a new car and something indescribable yet welcoming. In a brief moment of euphoria, he felt like he could feel another heartbeat against his own.

“Alright, that’s weird. Maybe don’t call me that,” Zak suggested, savoring the embrace as if it were the last drop of water he would receive for the rest of his life. After he felt like he’d been holding on for a bit too long, Zak released his grip, begging himself not to let any stray tears fall as he let go. It wasn’t as much the hug that was making him emotional as it was the presence of someone he’d been waiting to see for so long. That’s what he was trying to convince himself of, at least.

“I’ll call you whatever I want! I think I like Zak for now.” The second mention of his name made him flinch a bit less than the first, mostly because of the lack of emphasis.

“Okay, _Darryl_. I don’t think I’ll call you Bad anymore then.” Zak’s reply mimicked the same uncomfortable accentuation Darryl had previously used. Despite the unfamiliarity of the word, it was fitting to the unfamiliarity of their newfound era of physical interaction.

Darryl huffed in playful irritation. “Alright, that’s fine. I definitely don’t mind at all.” Zak saw a mirrored uncertainty in his friend’s expression as he spoke, and that was when another wave of emotion hit him.

Now that they had separated, Zak could fully scrutinize his soon-to-be roommate. He was dressed in a dark red sweater that was rolled up to his upper arms, accompanied by light blue jeans that were cropped right where the lip of his black sneakers began. Zak’s brown eyes flitted up to meet Darryl’s. While the bright glare on his glasses still obscured what was behind them, he could somewhat make out the outline of an unmistakable, kind green gaze. Pieces of Darryl’s brown hair lay across his forehead, lacking the customary black headset that Zak had grown so used to.

“You aren’t recording?” Zak quickly stepped in with his inquiry before Darryl had the chance to point out that he had been staring.

“I know I said that I would, but I decided that this is too personal for the internet.” His soft expression changed for a brief moment, displaying a mix of discomfort and embarrassment.

“Aw, well isn’t that sweet,” Zak teased, a smile plastered to his face for the first time in a while.  
“Oh, be quiet. Put your stuff in the back, we should get going. It’s late.”

“Past your bedtime, huh?”

Zak made his way over to the car, opened the back door and lifted his relatively small suitcase into the seat. From the outside, he could see that the seats were a dark polyester, and he could also detect the new car smell along with the unfamiliar-familiar one.

“When you said you didn’t bring much, I didn’t think you meant you’d only brought a suitcase worth of stuff,” Darryl, who had pulled up beside Zak, commented pointedly.

“I’ll worry about everything else later,” came the casual reply as Zak shrugged, turning away as he prepared to rush into the rain to access the passenger seat. He had practiced quite a bit for a response to that inevitable question.

Darryl raised an eyebrow to the empty air as Zak dashed out into the rain, and then he turned to watch what was about to happen.

“AH!” As Zak was bombarded with rain, he yelled from the other side of the car. “Unlock it! Unlock it!”

Darryl burst into laughter as Zak was thoroughly soaked, yanking desperately on the door handle. He almost felt bad about the situation as he fumbled in his pocket for the keys. Once he found them, he quickly unlocked the door, and Zak threw himself into the car with another angered shriek.

“What’s the matter with you?” he cried, rolling into a ball in the seat and shivering profusely.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it until you were already in the rain,” Darryl conceded apologetically, slipping into his own seat and starting up the car. He turned on the heat and turned the knob to the maximum setting. “It should warm up soon.”

“I’m going to absolutely soak this seat, I hope you know that. Why did you take out the keys, anyway?” Zak muttered, arms crossed.

“Remember, you don’t have a car yet. That seat being damp is your problem, not mine. And I take out the keys by habit, okay? Don’t patronize me.” Darryl looked over to the passenger seat momentarily before returning his eyes to the road as he pulled out of the pickup area. “And put on your seatbelt!”

Zak mimicked his tone of voice mockingly as he reached over to the seatbelt buckle, pulling it disdainfully over himself.

The cold weather was something Zak didn’t experience often. Florida always had its fair share of rain, but the temperature had never really dropped to an unbearable cold. Luckily, since his wardrobe was made primarily of hoodies, he didn’t have to worry much about buying new clothes for the cold. He let his gaze fall to his black hoodie, marked with small white text that read: “ _NO SNAKES JUST LADDERS_.” He also wore dark gray sweatpants and slightly oversized white sneakers, making up the rest of his monochromatic outfit. His hair was equally lazy, as he had woken up a bit too late that afternoon to leave for the airport and hadn’t had any time to fix it. He stared at the dark marks the rain had left behind on his sweatpants for a few moments before a shout snapped him back to the present.

“Zak!”

“What? Did you say something?” Zak looked over at Darryl, not pleased to find a concerned expression on his face. “Sorry. I’m really tired,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes and looking away.

“No, no, you’re fine! I was just asking if you’d warmed up yet. You just seemed a bit spaced out. We’ll get you home and asleep soon.” Darryl’s optimistic, reassuring tone made Zak grin, but he covered his mouth with a hoodie sleeve before the other boy could notice. He didn’t respond, just looked onward toward the road as Darryl focused on driving.

While they hadn’t become acquainted enough in person to be completely comfortable in the silence, there was a sort of peace that was interwoven with the quiet. Zak watched through the window as streetlights and other cars whisked by, blurred by the droplets of water running down the glass. He let himself relax as he took in the new yet comforting scent that he assumed was what the rest of Darryl’s house smelled like. His shoulders rested against the dark seat, and in a moment of bravery he snuck a glance at his driver.

The car slowed as they reached a red light. In the brief moment that Zak had looked over, Darryl had turned to speak. They both still seemed uneasy whenever looking directly at each other.

“I’d play music, but the radio’s broken. This car is used so I can’t say I’m surprised. Am I bothering you? I know you’re tired. You can sleep, but we’ll be there soon. I can be quiet if I’m botheri-“ He successfully attempted to fill the silence, but Zak quickly cut him off.

“Dude, dude, you’re fine. I like hearing you talk.” Upon realizing what he had said, he bit his tongue and immediately turned away, feeling the overwhelming urge to open the door and throw himself out of the (now moving) vehicle. Zak desperately hoped he had imagined the sudden jolt of the car, as if Darryl had pressed a bit too hard on the acceleration.

“I mean, like, it’s different in person,” Zak added, squeezing the side of the seat as he tried to cover up his mistake. “You know, since I’ve never really heard you through anything but my phone and headset.”

“Yeah! I totally get that.” The response had a hint of relief in it that Darryl hadn’t done a very good job of hiding. Zak’s futile attempt at redefining his words had seemed successful, but Darryl didn’t say anything else.

The car remained relatively quiet for another mile, save a few sniffs from Zak, who was still recovering from his rain crisis. It felt wrong to him, meeting Darryl for the first time and sitting in complete silence. While the quiet only came from the fact that Darryl had been made aware of how tired Zak was, he couldn’t help feeling as if he’d done something wrong. He covered his cold fingers with the sleeves of his black hoodie and continued to look out the window, nearly spacing out again before he realized the streetlights were going by much more slowly.

“Oh, no. Oh my goodness. I can’t believe I did this again,” Darryl sighed, frantically pulling over to the side of the road and shifting the gear to park. He looked to Zak apologetically, his hands still on the wheel as he grinned awkwardly at the other boy.

“You did not.” Zak leaned over to glimpse the dashboard and immediately saw the empty bar underneath the fuel gauge. “You did _not_.” He folded his hands over his head, letting out a long groan before repeatedly bumping the back of his head into the seat.

“Oh, come on. It won’t be that bad. I swear the house is only about a five minute walk from here. I promise.”

“Promise?” Zak looked over pathetically, his eyebrows furrowed in dread and exhaustion.

“Promise promise. I have an umbrella in the trunk. Just grab your stuff and I’ll have a friend jump the car in the morning. We need to get you home so you can settle in and get some sleep. I don’t want to deal with this tonight anyway.”

 _Home_. Zak thought to himself, nodding dolefully as he sat up straight, waiting as Darryl unlocked the doors and pulled out his keys, launching himself out into the rain. He expeditiously threw open the trunk and pulled out a closed umbrella, hastily forcing it open. Zak opened his own door, closing it briskly behind him and retrieving his luggage from the back seat. Darryl was waiting for him behind the broken down car, and Zak cringed as wet mud sloshed beneath his white sneakers. He scrambled over to Darryl, ducking under the large black umbrella. Unfortunately, the rain was coming down at an angle that mostly negated any effect the umbrella might have had.

“Do you not check your gas every once in a while?” Zak mumbled miserably as Darryl began to lead the way along the sidewalk. The car had been pulled over onto the sodden grass in an area right before the sidewalk had began. The soaked cement branched off into small neighborhoods on either side of the road, with a few trees dotted along the grassy areas. The streetlights had become smaller within the residential area, and it was rare for a car to pass by. It also seemed as though the rain had become less heavy, though it had completely drenched the two regardless.

“I’m really sorry. I guess this isn’t the warmest welcome I could give you.” The honest guilt in Darryl’s voice made Zak’s heart drop.

“No! I was just kidding, you’re fine. I’m really glad to see you. Don’t feel bad, please,” he turned to meet Darryl’s eye, but he didn’t look up.

“I’ll make tomorrow better. Right now we need to focus on getting home.”

As he spoke, Zak stared in Darryl’s direction, which was partially blocked by the pole of the umbrella. He felt as if he should say something in reply but decided against it. It was just an unlucky start. Everything would be better soon, they just needed to stop worrying and get out of the rain. Somehow, even in one of his lesser moments, Darryl had made him feel just a bit warmer.

So they walked. Every so often the rim of the umbrella would tip too far to the side, or the underside would brush against his ungroomed hair and Zak would silently correct it. These were the only interactions between them as the two once again remained mostly quiet, the silence only filled by the sound of suitcase wheels being dragged along the sidewalk. Zak could almost imagine he was walking alone in the rain, as he had done before, lonely and upset.

It wasn’t like that anymore. He didn’t need to imagine someone next to him because someone _was_ next to him. Someone incredibly important. He forced the negative thoughts away from the fragile floodgates in his mind and looked down at his dirtied shoes as they walked. Perhaps it would be easier to just focus on how _tired_  and _cold_ he felt.

Darryl rounded a corner, and Zak only noticed that they had changed directions when he no longer heard the sound of raindrops hitting the umbrella above him. He quickly corrected himself before Darryl could say anything. Zak let his vision drift upwards to see that they had walked into a neighborhood, as the grassy expanses next to the sidewalk had turned into front yards. A variety of houses stretched into the distance and the streets broke off into various directions, concealed by a haze that had been created by the downpour. It would have been a much more ominous setting if Darryl wasn’t next to him, but something still felt off about the entire situation.

Before Zak had a chance to think about how out of character Darryl seemed in his silence, they changed direction once more. Darryl turned to him and wordlessly urged Zak to take hold of the umbrella. He reached for it with his unoccupied hand, and Darryl’s fingertips lightly grazed Zak’s knuckles as he released his grip. Zak had a minor internal breakdown about the contact as Darryl began to sift through his pockets. He pulled out his keys and flipped through a few before deciding on one, slowing to a halt in front of one of many houses.

Zak followed Darryl up along the dark driveway that had one other car parked outside, feeling himself tense as they approached the house. He hauled his suitcase up the few cement stairs that led to the front door, too tired to pay much mind to his new home’s exterior.

He looked at Darryl for a long moment as he slipped his key into the lock. During that moment, Zak could see the green eyes behind the glasses, briefly illuminated by the headlights of a car that had passed by. Underneath all of the cold and exhaustion, Zak almost felt glad that the car had broken down.

“We’re home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the summary alone got a lot of attention before I even posted the chapter. Thank you all so much for the support already! I told you this fic would kick off before the end of July, and while it may be 2am and two days before July ends, I met my deadline! I proofread this way too many times, but if there happens to be a typo or two that I missed I’ll probably fix it at some point. Sorry about any mistakes!
> 
> Leave some kudos if you’d like and I’d very much appreciate a comment. Let me know what you think so I can have the motivation to push out the next chapter as soon as I can.  
> See you soon.


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